Sometimes when people give they compromise their own values in the process.
Not only are they not getting the return they were expecting, they’re also moving further and further away from living a life based on their highest values.
Many people continue like that for years, in unhappy marriages, in unhappy friendships, in unhappy work situations.
And because these people are often so compassionate they often justify their decision to be around someone by saying, “But he has a good side to him,” or “She is not always like that” or “But I’m getting this or that benefit out of it.”
And, absolutely they are and absolutely you are.
Let’s say your highest values are a relationship, children and respect.
Let’s say that you’re in love with someone and they like being around you all the time, like being a good friend of yours, like your company, like your affection, are kind to you, and like casual sex with you, but don’t want a romantic relationship with you, and at the same time talk about their fantasies and episodes with other women.
Whatever we accept in life, we get more of. If we want a relationship and we accept second best because we love that person, that’s what we’ll always receive.
Conscious growth is a tricky thing – everything is a paradox. The more we evolve, the more we realise that there’s no right and wrong. That we can love someone unconditionally no matter how they treat us.
Does that mean we should stay in that situation?
The answer to that question is different for everyone, however also consider this…
Unconditional love and acceptance of another means unconditional love and acceptance of ourselves too.
If we can truly love ourselves in that situation and regardless of how that other person acts, all we see is “love”, great. And – if that’s the experience we want to have in life, with truly no need for anything to be a certain way, that’s beautiful.
There’s nothing right about that situation. There’s nothing wrong with it.
But – if at times we get resentful towards that other person because we feel we are compromising our values of a relationship and having children, we’re not vibrationally operating from a place where we are experiencing unconditional love.
At the end of the day, whether we can see it or not, everything that occurs in our lives is an act of love.
If we’re resentful towards that person, they’re mirroring something to us that we haven’t yet loved within ourselves, and the other person is giving us an opportunity to do that.
If we don’t love ourselves and are willing to always take second best, that’s the gift that the other person is giving us – second best.
If we’re feeling like they are being disrespectful towards us, we’re not respecting ourselves.
If they’re unwilling to commit, consider what areas of our life aren’t we willing to commit to?
See it for the magical gift that it is.
Once we heal that “emotional charge” we have around that situation something magical happens. The other person will either change their tune or the relationship will naturally fall away and something better will come into our lives.
Sure, it’s easy to say that, but when we’re in the thick of it and the emotions are charged, we’re often not thinking clearly enough to take the higher road.
How to fix it?
You see, the Universe continues to provide us with the same lessons over and over again and until we learn those lessons.
The lessons will start as subtle ones and get more and more intense as time goes by so, after awhile those lessons are so blatantly obvious, the light bulb finally goes off and we do something about it.
Think about this …
How would you feel if the other person’s actions that you were so annoyed about, was a catalyst for you having a realisation that totally and completely transformed your life.
You’d be pretty grateful towards that person, wouldn’t you!
Well, that’s exactly what they have given you, if you can open your eyes and see it.
When we’re in a place where we’re angry or resentful of a situation, one of the processes that I’ve found to be useful is John Demartini’s Quantum Collapse process. It focuses on seeing the benefit in every situation.
Demartini’s philosophy is that there are equally as many positives as there are negatives in any situation – it’s only when we can’t see the positives that there’s a charge around that situation. And anything that we have an emotional charge around, we keep manifesting itself in our lives.
Here’s a very brief overview of key parts of the process. You can find out more at www.drdemartini.com
Let’s say that you feel another person is disrespectful towards you.
Ask yourself how that has served you. In other words, what benefit did you get from the situation?
Perhaps you write something like …
- It enables me to perpetuate my belief that I’m not worthy of respect
- It has allowed me to perpetuate my belief that I’m not worthy of love
- It has allowed me to perpetuate my belief that I can’t have what I love
- It has allowed me to stay safe not risking getting hurt in a real mutually loving relationship
- Or something else.
Also ask yourself, which of your friends and colleagues might say the same thing about you.
Keep writing. At some point when writing that list (you might need to right 20 or 30 or more benefits), you’ll look up with a smile and have an outpouring of love for that person.
You’ve realised that they have given you one of the greatest learning lessons anyone can possibly give you. A realisation that can extinguish that limiting belief and create exciting new possibilities in your life.
Remember – it’s all LOVE.
Kristina Mills is a highly regarded direct response copywriter, marketing strategist, entrepreneur and success strategist having worked with and produced great results for some of Australia's most inspirational entrepreneurs, speakers, event companies, professional services firms, property companies, and internet entrepreneurs. She is the author of Invisible Genius Vol1 and 2, Freelance Copywriting Fast Track Course, Direct Mail Mastery, Web Copy Mastery, Invisible Genius Vol.1 and 2, Mortgage Broker Letters that Sell, Real Estate Letters that Sell, How to Create a Sales Explosion With Every Ad and Letter Your Write. To find out more about how Kristina can help you live your potential, arrange a free 15 minute phone chat.